A lot of people are starting to ask me to take down my Facebook cover photo and delete all those photos of me that were more sexually inclined.
As I have posted previously in my Facebook...it would be a NO.
First of all, those are my achievements of my career as a model who made it international besides local...especially as Playboy Bunny and Playboy Model.
How could I have the heart to delete everything that I have worked soooo hard for past 8 years, that I have to suffer for, for every achievement that have made me known as who I am today.
Those pictures serve as a story behind the Felixia Yeap now.
A lesson to be learnt by all.
Also to remind myself why I chose to be covered up.
Why I did a 180 degrees of change.
Deleting them would most likely mean to deny my past, and that would probably spark another issue by people who think I am trying to lie to myself and hide people from the truth of my past.
You could never please them no matter what you do.
I could not please everyone.
All I could do is be myself, be true to myself...be honest, be sincere...learn from the past, and head for a better future.
Whether or not people would be judgemental and sceptical about my actions and decisions.
Besides, even if I have the heart to delete all those pictures from my Facebook...there would still be plenty more in Google and everywhere else in the world.
What is the next step then?
Ask Google and everyone else who has my photos to delete them as well?
I was (and still am) proud of my achievements in modelling scene...but I was just not happy in the depth of my heart and soul as a person behind the working environment and who it required me to be and what it required me to do.
Thus my decision.
The Felixia Yeap now...is still in the midst of transition...still learning and just starting to berjinak-jinak with muslimah styles and fashion besides trying to understand, learn more and dig deeper about its religion that is giving me more and more peace.
It is not the easiest procedure...but with your understanding of me as a professional model and me personally as my true and most comfortable self...and still being both at the SAME time for now until all my past contracts are over and done with, insyaAllah...my path will be smoother.
So...please let me take my time. It took me almost decade to finally decide on wanting and insisting to cover up my aurat and even hair, the moment I put my first picture in Facebook and blog with a Hijab on a few months back, I know I am heading to a better path in life.
I am regaining my sacrificed dignity (during work) as a respected woman who is not just another pretty face with a hot body.
I found my peace.
I am much happier now and I feel more at peace each time I cover my aurat, and put on my hijab.
I think thats all that matter.
I could not predict the future...no one's future is ever guaranteed...
But I am definitely going to keep wearing hijab and muslimah clothing, since I feel more and more reluctant with exposing my naked skin or hair in public area.
For my modeling career, of course I would very much prefer Muslimah stream of modeling assignments that would cover up my body, and best of all, would let me wear my hijab and be myself...
I would rather get less income than to make myself feeling exploited and unhappy again.
After all...duit tu bukannya boleh cari sampai habis pun, kan?
Janji hati tenang.
So...I am really grateful for all those Muslimah boutiques that are offering me to be their model.
Thank you so, so, so much.
And I would like to start my own little business to cover up all those modelling jobs which I have rejected due to my preference of not wanting to be sexy and exposed anymore, and also later on, hopefully soon, start my charity projects too.
Everything is still pretty much in planning stage, and I am trying to save up some capital to kick them off.
Keep reading and checking my blog and Facebook fan page.
InsyaAllah...I would have some good news coming in. =)