Friday, November 21, 2014

Our jobs as MUSLIMS.

Assalammualaikum.

I really don't know how many times I need to say this…I would NOT delete my pictures from the past because that is my TRANSITION from a PLAYBOY MODEL to a FULLY COVERED NON MUSLIM to a REVERTED MUSLIM.

It is my past.
Yes, I WAS a PLAYBOY MODEL. And I was a PLAYBOY BUNNY.
NO…I am NOT ashamed of my past. 

It's my PAST. 
It MADE ME WHO I AM today.
(It's not like I still update my posts with my Playboy pictures anymore!)

It was what made me embrace Islam.
If I hadn't seen the dark, I wouldn't search for the light.

If I delete all my past pictures, it's like denying my past, and nobody could see my transition anymore.

That is my dakwah strategy. 
To show people that if someone like me could do a 180 degrees change of life for the better, ditch everything "glamorous" and embrace Islam, why can't everyone else?

Do you see it yet?

Thats why if you're not comfortable with THIS page with traces of my past (yes, it is still with my modelling name from the past FELIXIA), I've created another page for you to follow, which has no trace of my past at all.

Here you go : 

Now, stop whining here and get a life. 
Do something better with your life than to whine here and asking me to delete my past that I'm leaving here for dakwah and awareness purpose.

There's a lot more lost sisters and brothers in need of your guidance to be guided back to Islam, even some of the born Muslims themselves, and a lot more non-believers that are probably like me (last time) who are still somehow hoping that someone would guide them to a better life and not judge them from their past.

YOU are supposed to help them.

If you can't do what I do, or bear the "embarrassment" and "humiliation" as I'm bearing to have my past pictures as a PLAYBOY MODEL, then go do something better.

Like stop judging people or ordering people to delete their pasts!

ME LAST TIME.


ME NOW!!!!










Saturday, August 9, 2014

BEAUTY could be a form of Dakwah. (CANTIK itu pun dakwah!)



"It's 2am now...and I still have absolutely no idea what to wear for tomorrow!"

Why the unnecessary headache and whining and being so vain?
Perhaps you might ask. 
Perhaps even with a slight tone of disgust towards my "whining" here.

But before you roll your eyes to the back of your head, or pouncing onto your keyboard enthusiastically to get ready to bash me for saying something that probably sound spoilt or bimbo-ish...here is my reason;

Because I believe...a fashionable/attractive way of dressing and yet still according to Islamic values as a Muslimah is a good way of dakwah too. =)




Never underestimate the way you dress up, and the way it could spread awareness to people around you about the beauty of covering up in the Islamic way and still looking beautiful nevertheless.




Just like me...I started off by wearing a hijab.
And then I started to be mesmerized by the beauty of women I see in hijab.
(Well, OK...maybe I was at first mesmerized by my own selfie pictures upon my first time trying on a hijab and I went like daymnnnnn...I look stunning!)

Krik...krik....krik....

WOKAYYY.

I started paying attention and got curious...since like many non Muslims, hair is very important to define a woman's beauty...some even depend on it and get cranky when they have bad hair days.
And for models in my previous line...the deeper the cleavage, the better. The more skin, the better. And the shorter skirt or shorts, the better.
Honestly...before this, I thought covering myself up is like making myself unattractive and ugly.
Modesty doesn't seem to exist before this in my life.




But then...I got interested in learning the story behind the hijab.
The reasons.
The values.
The beauty.
And then....Islam itself. 

Alhamdulillah... 
The ways Allah SWT brought someone like me back to Him. 
How much Allah SWT loves us all, regardless of who we were, and who we are.

A hijab got me reverted back into Islam!
It got me home to the right path!

SubhanAllah! 



If it could happen to an former Playboy model (Ahem...yup, I would sacrifice by digging out my own past just so it could be a lesson for all, if not an example...all for the good of Islam, for our sisters, and in the mission of dakwah and for the redha of Allah too), I am sure it could happen to women who are non Muslims...and perhaps, even the born Muslims too. Insyaallah!




Of course...I also believe while doing so (the dakwah in the terms of looks), one should not cross to the borderline of being riya (riak); which means to the point of showing off...err, overly.

And how do I spread the awareness of beauty being in hijab and covering oneself up within the Islamic frame of dressing as a (well, I hate to say it really, but everyone's been telling me to face the truth) public figure and social media celebrity...?

Being out and be seen.
Photos.
And unfortunately...what I'm about to say next is probably gonna get me a lot of negative bashings. Again. (LOL!)

Selfies.

There....I said it.

And no...it does not mean I think I am THAT beautiful or stunning or hot.
But I think I have a pleasant look and I feel utterly grateful and blessed for that, Alhamdulillah!
If you still want to call me "perasan" or "gedik" or "harap je muka lawa"...then I have nothing else to say.




But then again...if being called "perasan" or "gedik" or "bajet lawa" still could do some dakwah and bring someone back to fitrah...why not??

Haaaaaaaa.

This is a century of technology and social media...and almost everyone have a Facebook or Instagram account.
(Even my mom has one, and she'd be the one calling me up if she doesn't see me posting up any pictures in Facebook and asking me why there's no picture for the day!)

And let me repeat...not to the point of riya (riak).
Nobody is saying that you should post a selfie of yourself every hour or so.
Moderation...is the key. 




So...I'd say we embrace it with a positive thinking and hope for the best.
Hope that somewhere out there, that by us somehow dressing nicely and Islamicly, someone would see the beauty of covering up...and fall in love with Islam just like how I did.

And most importantly...we help yet another woman and help her protect her modesty, and Insyaallah...we could bring her "home" to the right path, to be a better person and be even more beautiful and precious than she already is. 

Insyaallah. =)

But first...let's take a selfie! 
MUAHAHAHAHAHHAH!






Thursday, July 10, 2014

Karya Raisyyah : Biarlah Palestin menang!

Biarlah Palestin menang!

Hati ku tak diam meronta-ronta
melihat gambar dan berita
saudara-saudariku diseksa
dibedil dibunuh tanpa rasa
kasihan atau kemanusiaan
inilah dia...dunia akhir zaman

Ingin saja ku ke situ
membantu memberi apa yang perlu
diriku ini yang tidak punya
anak, suami dan keluarga
"Boleh saja!", teriak hati ku
bujang yang hanya ada seorang ibu

Ingin saja ku kata pada ibu ku yang tua 
bekalanku untukmu cukup sampai bila-bila
biarlah anak perempuan mu ini pergi
sesungguhnya semua orang akan mati
jika benar Allah tarik nyawaku di situ
maka syahid dan manislah pemergianku

Tidur ku di tilam empuk ini tak lena
hinanya ku selesa dan kenyang berbuka
bila di situ, mereka lari dari dibedil
namun apakah daya saya ini yang kerdil
hanya doa yang dapat ku beri
maafkan ku ini yang tidak seberani
saudara saudariku di situ yang berjuang
Ya Allah, biarlah Palestin menang!

- Sebuah karya oleh Raisyyah Rania Yeap -


#prayforPalestin
#prayforGaza
#prayforIslam
#prayforhumanity
#prayforpeace

CLICK FOR MORE :

Thursday, July 3, 2014

3 Julai : Hari Kelahiran Semula Ku - Felixia Yeap

Assalammualaikum.

Sejak beberapa bulan ini, dari saat saya bertekad sebulat hati mengenakan hijab walaupun sebagai seorang yang belum Islam hatinya, hingga ke saat ini (3 Julai, sekarang pukul 6 pagi baru lepas Sahur), di mana saya telah Islam di hati, cuma tinggal perasmian sebagai seorang Islam di atas kertas dan di depan 4 orang saksi...saya telah mengharungi pelbagai dugaan.

Bantahan.

Makian.

Sindiran.

Fitnah.

Penyisihan.

Tekanan.

Tetapi syukur Alhamdullilah...saya juga dapat sokongan yang begitu hebat, yang menyentuh hati dan sokongan positif inilah yang serba sedikit menyumbang kepada saya untuk terus beristiqamah.

Dan saya harus berterima kasih juga dengan kedegilan saya. 
Terkenal juga dengan kepala batu saya, saya tidak mudah mengalah. 

Ya...saya mengaku, banyak kali saya rasa tumpas, tewas dan menangis atas semua yang negatif dan kasar terhadap saya. 

Namun, saya tetap tidak tanggalkan hijab saya.

Saya tetap teruskan perjalanan. 

Saya bertuah kerana dikurniakan seorang ibu yang bukan sahaja tabah untuk membesarkan saya dan adik dalam keluarga, tetapi rahmat yang terbesar adalah apabila beliau, seorang yang bukan Islam, langsung tidak mengetahui tentang agama Islam (kecuali yang Islam tak boleh makan khinzir) dan seringkali disindir saudara mara yang lain kerana anak perempuannya bertudung sehingga ke muka depan suratkhabar dan sebagainya...tidak membantah, malah merestui keputusan saya ini apabila saya memberitahu beliau yang saya sedang mempelajari tentang agama Islam dan bercadang untuk memeluknya.
Ibu kata saya sudah banyak berubah lebih baik.
Ibu kata saya dah matang, dah dewasa akhirnya.
Dalam dialek Kantonis, bila saya bermanja dan menanya kenapa beliau merestui keputusan saya, beliau menjawab, "Sang seng jor lor, dai gor nui la...kwai jor hou dor."
Ibu saya senyum, dan saya menahan air mata.

Rata-rata, ramai mualaf yang dibuang keluarga dan disisihkan keluarga kerana keputusan yang sama, dan ada segolongan pula yang terpaksa menyembunyikan identiti mereka sebagai seorang Islam daripada keluarga dan orang ramai kerana takut dibuang keluarga dan disisihkan. 

Saya mengaku, jika ayah saya tidak meninggalkan kami sekeluarga, mungkin perkara yang sama akan berlaku pada diri saya. Tetapi Allah Maha Mengetahui. 

Mungkin ini juga salah satu hikmah dari penceraian ibu dan ayah.
(Ibu saya jauhhhh lebih bahagia sekarang juga, ALHAMDULLILAH!)

Ia memaksa saya untuk berdikari pada usia muda, menjaga adik sehingga saya habis SPM dan terus meninggalkan Ipoh untuk mencuba nasib seorang diri di Kuala Lumpur dengan hanya RM300 sebulan sementara saya belajar di sebuah IPTS. Apabila sudah dihentikan saluran duit satu hari, saya keluar bekerja kerana saya tidak ingin melihat ibu saya terus bersusah payah menggunakan duit simpanan beliau yang tidak seberapa untuk menyara kami adik-beradik. Tambahan pula, adik saya perlu (dan saya pastikan) menyambung pelajaran dan perlu wang untuk membiayai yurannya. 

Saya mula memikul tanggungjawab menyara keluarga.

Pada masa itu, saya tidak ada agama (saya dibesarkan di keluarga yang tidak percaya kepada mana-mana agama atau Tuhan), tidak ada apa-apa bimbingan agama...cuma berbekalkan nasihat dari ibu saya; iaitu jangan menyusahkan orang lain, jangan membiarkan mana-mana lelaki mengambil kesempatan, jangan berbuat jahat, jangan tertipu dengan orang di bandar dan jaga diri baik-baik.

Namun sebagai seorang naif yang tidak tahu apa-apa tentang dunia, tipu helah dan godaan manusia (Ya, keputusan SPM yang baik tidak menjamin anda akan selamat dengan tipu helah dunia)...saya juga mula terikut-ikut dengan orang di sekeliling saya. TETAPI, saya cuba sedaya upaya yang boleh untuk melindungi diri saya dan pada masa yang sama mencari nafkah untuk dihantar balik ke rumah untuk ibu dan adik. Saya kekalkan pendirian untuk tidak sentuh arak, rokok, atau dadah. 
Pernah banyak kali dipaksa, tetapi kedegilan saya untuk menurut paksaan dan suruhan orang lain menyelamatkan saya dari terjerumus sekali dengan yang lain.

Dengan mata saya sendiri saya sepanjang hampir 10 tahun saya terlibat dalam bidang modeling, saya pernah lihat pelbagai jenis manusia dan cara kehidupan yang dikatakan "mewah" dan bahagia.
Mewah juga disamakan dengan kebahagiaan. 
Orang di sekeliling saya pada masa itu kebanyakkannya mengukur kebahagiaan dengan kekayaan teman lelaki, apa parti yang paling "happening" yang mereka dapat pergi, rasa "happy" janji dapat minum dan mabuk, berapa yang boleh dikikis dari lelaki kaya yang memikat, dan kebanyakkan mendahagakan kemewahan dan dicari tanpa mempedulikan harga diri.

Tetapi bagi saya, itu bukan kemewahan yang saya cari. Sebab apa gunanya punyai kemewahan tetapi hidup rasa kosong, tidak bermakna dan bergelumangan dengan dosa?
Itu bukan kebahagiaan yang saya carikan.

Saya pernah cuba mencari Tuhan.
Cuba mendekati diri dengan Tuhan.

Saya pernah pergi ke gereja Katolik setiap Ahad petang selama 2 tahun.
Saya pernah cuba memahami agama Kristian.
Saya pernah cuba mencari makna dalam penyembahan berhala Dewa Kuan Yin dan sebagainya.
Saya juga pernah cuba mengamalkan amalan seorang penganut Buddha.

Tetapi hati saya tidak pernah merasa dekat dengan Tuhan.
Hati saya tidak pernah rasa tersentuh.

***Harap jangan salah faham, di sini saya cuma ingin menekankan bahawa saya rasa lebih dekat dengan agama Islam, dengan Allah SWT. Saya hanya menjelaskan apa yang saya rasa dari hati.

Sejak saya mula mengenali ajaran-ajaran agama Islam, saya lebih redha, lebih tenang dan lebih senang bersyukur dengan hidup yang serba sederhana.
Duit dan kemewahan tidak lagi menarik perhatian saya sepertimana dahulu. 
Saya tidak lagi rasa "impressed" atau teruja dengan kereta sport, bag mahal, kehidupan glamor, atau cita-cita tinggal di rumah besar dan mewah.

Ya, tidak dapat dinafikan, jika ada semua ini, bukan benda yang buruk, malah bonus kehidupan...tetapi wang dan kemewahan tidak dapat membeli rasa bertaubat, rasa ingin menjadi seorang yang lebih baik, ketenangan, keredhaan dan kebahagiaan.

Sepanjang hampir 7 bulan saya berhijab dan mengenali agama Islam, saya banyak menangis. 
Bukan dalam kesedihan, tetapi dalam rasa penyesalan kehidupan yang dulu dan rasa ingin bertaubat.

Seringkali saya merintih dalam bisikkan yang saya ulang tanpa henti, "Ya Allah, ampunkanlah dosa-dosa saya!"

Pada kali pertama saya melihat video pengislaman dan pengucapan seorang wanita, saya tidak dapat henti menangis.
Pada saya, dia amat bertuah kerana Allah SWT memilih dia untuk diselamatkan.

Masa itu...saya masih tidak tahu apa itu hidayah dan taufiq.

Dan pada hari ini, iaitu hari bersejarah dalam hidup saya...saya akan menjadi seorang Islam secara rasmi. 

3 Julai 2014, bersamaan dengan 5 Ramadhan 1435.

Saya yang telah Islam di hati (tanpa disedari), kini akan mengucapkan 2 kalimah syahadah saya di depan keluarga terdekat saya, dan juga para kenalan yang telah seringkali menyokong dan memberi galakkan pada saya supaya terus istiqamah.

Tidak ada sebarang media yang akan hadir.

Hari ini bukan hanya saja Hari Lahir saya...tetapi juga Hari Kelahiran Semula saya. 
Hari saya kembali akhirnya selepas 28 tahun mencari jalan pulang.



P.S: Saya masih berbangsa Cina, dan akan berkeras mengekalkan nama Cina yang diberi ibu saya. Nama Cina saya dalam bermaksud "Ketenangan, Keanggunan" atau di dalam bahasa Inggeris, "Silent Grace". 
Saya cuma akan menambah nama kurniaan dari mimpi saya di hadapan nama asal.


Terima kasih semua atas sokongan anda. =)

For more updates and info of my life as a new revert:


Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Your personality. ALL HERE.







If U were born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, 28th of any month U r number 1….
If U were born on the 2nd, 11th, 20th, 29th of any month then U r number 2…
If U were born on the 3rd, 12th, 21st, 30th of any month then U r number 3…
If U were born on the 4th, 13th, 22nd, 31st of any month then U r number 4…
If U were born on the 5th, 14th, 23rd of any month then U r number 5…
If U were born on the 6th, 15th, 24th of any month then U r number 6…
If U were born on the 7th, 16th, 25th of any month then U r number 7…
If U were born on the 8th,17th,26th of any month then U r number 8…
If U were born on the 9th,18th,27th of any month then U r number 9

Number 1
You are smart, straight talking, funny, stubborn, hardworking, honest,Jealous on competing basis, kind hearted, angry, friendly, authorities, Famous person… always want to be and regarded as first on people position, they are often like to be independent, will never be under others, self confident people!
You are most likely to fall in love in the younger age, but will get marry when you mature! You are likely to have problems with people who have opposite views
And you are most likely to take revenge over your enemies in a long time basis. You are a spender, but you will have a good profession in the future.
If you are guy you will be very popular that everybody will have mental attraction and respect at you. You can go anywhere from the local shop to the heart of the parliament because you are positive and well talented in numerous issues!! But in your life you will always have some people who will work hard to bring you & your name down. This is undercover!! Coz of your smart behavior you will be hated by some people too…
Your family life is very cool, you will have a very nice partner & wonderful children… You are pioneer, independent & original…
Your best match is 4,6,8 good match is 3,5,7 !!!

Number 2
No matter what, you will be loved by every one coz your ruler is the moon and every one loves the Moon. Well.. You are a person who day dream a lot, you have very low-self confidence, you need back up for every move in your life, you are very much unpredictable. Means you do change according to time and circumstances, kind a selfish, have a very strong sense of musical, artistic talent, verbal communication.
Your attitudes are like the Moon, comes to gloom and fade away so everybody can expect changes in you. You can be a next Mahatma Gandhi who does peace love or you can be a Hitler who wants to destroy the man kind and peace (I mean in the community and your own home).
If you really have a deep thought about your own believe in God you can feel the difference which will make you stronger! Most of the time your words are a kind of would be happening true! So without any knowledge you can predict the situation. You will become poets, writers, any Artistic business people!
You are not strong in love, so you will be there and here till you get marry.. If U r a girl you will be a responsible woman in the whole family. If U r a man you will involve in fights & arguments in the family or Vice-versa. Means you will sacrifice your life for the goodness sake of Your family…You are gentle , intuitive with a broad vision, a power behind the scenes, well balanced People!!!
Your best match is 2 ,5 ,9 no other people can put up with you !!!

Number 3
You are a person of hard hearted, selfish most of the times, religious, loves to climb up in your life. You always tend to have lots of problems within your family in the early stages but you will put up with everything.. You have the strong word power, pretty happy face.. So wherever you go always you have got what you wanted!!! And from the birth always wanted to work hard in order to achieve something.. You will not get anything without hardwork! When you reach a man/ woman age you want other younger once to listen to you because you want younger people to respect people older than them. You do set so many examples to others.
Generally you are not a cool person. It’s not easy thing dealing with you. A tough player you are! But once you like someone’s attitude then here you go, what can I say? It will be a lasting friendship. You always have respect from others.
Your life seems to have lots of worries and problems but sure they won’t be long.. you will always have brilliant kids!!! You love the money a bit too much so temptation will push you to endless trying and trying.. If you are a guy then it’s over. Looking after your family and help friends, so you will spend a life time just being generous and kind (except 21st born men). And number 3s you will
be such an example of how to be in the culture & life!!! If you are girl then you have good character and culture & hardworking attitude. You always follow.
You are a freedom lover, creative, ambition focused, a person who brings beauty , hope & joy to this world!!!
Your best match 6 ,9. Good match 1 ,3 ,5 !!!

Number 4
You are very stubborn too, very hard working but unlucky in important matters in life, very cool, helpful, you have rough word power.. Might put lots of people away from you, you may cause nuisance to others if you are a man, and you often understands others and their problems well. If you are a girl you are very good with studies and arts. If you are a guy you spend most of the time after girl friends (almost) at times, you will have sort of too much fun life with mates & girls. Your friends will spend your time & money and get away with their life and you will become empty handed and don’t know what to do… So be careful!! You love to spend anyway!!!
Your good will is you are always there to help family and friends. Tell you what you people are little gem! s, specially the girls.. You always fall in love in younger age as well. You often live with disappointments, for an example you have got a degree in some thing… but you will be unemployed.. or will do very ordinary jobs.
But you will take care of your family very well…All you need to be careful of people who will take advantage of your kind heart. And beware of your relations too..
You are radical, patient, persistent,a bit old-fashioned, you live with foundation & order…
Your best Match 1, 8. Good match 5 ,6 , 7 !!!

Number 5
You are very popular within the community, you can get things done by just chatting..to even enemies! You have a pretty good business mind, you are often have no-idea what is today is like, or tomorrow is like, you are a person who does anything when your head thinks “lets do this”. You will be famous if you open up a business, get involve in share dealings, music etc.. Very popular with sense of humor ,you are the one your friends and families will always ask for help, and you are the one actually get money on credit and help your friends. You will have more than 1 relationship, but when u get settle down you will be a bit selfish anyway. Coz your other half will have a pretty good amount of control in you, be careful! You tend to go for other relationships! Contacts even you are married at times ‘coz your popularity..
You are someone who get along with anyone coz the number 5 is the middle number.. Changes & freedom lovers you are! You are an explorer with magic on your face. You learn your life through experience and it’s your best teacher!!!
Your best match 1 ,2 ,9. Good match 6 ,8 !!!

Number 6
Ooopppss..you are born to enjoy.. You don’t care about others. I mean you are always want to enjoy your life time, you are a person.. You will be very good in either education or work wise or business management! You are talented, kind (but with only people who you think are nice), very beautiful girls and guys, popular and more than lucky with anything in your lives. All the goodness does come with you. Your mind and body is just made perfect for love.
You are lovable by any other numbers. But if you are a number 6 man, you will experience kind of looks from most girls and will involve in more than few relationships until you get married. If you are girl, most of you will get marry/engaged early. You are a caring person towards your family & friends .
If you miss the half-way mark then you are about to suffer physically and mentally. Generally you will lead a very good inner-home happiness with nothing short of. You are a person of compassion, comfort & fairness, domestic responsibility, good judgment, and after all you can heal this world wounds to make peace for every life coz you have the great power of caring talent to make this world of love one step further…
Your best match 1, 6, 9. Good match 4, 5 !!!

Number 7
You have got the attraction to anyone out there, you are realistic, very confident, happy, such a talented individual with your education, music, arts, singing, and most importantly acting too. You have real problems with bad temper! If you are a girl, you are popular with the subjects listed above.
You give up things for your parents. I mean you value your family status a lot, you will be in the top rank when you reach a certain age. If you are a guy you are popular with girls, you are a very talented too. Most of the number 7s face lots of problems with their marriage life.
Only a very few are happy. You have everything in your life, but still always number 7s have some sort of unfullfilness, such worries all their lifetime.
It’s probably the Lord given you all sort of over the standard humans talents and you are about to suffer in family life. So you need to get ready looking for a partner rather than waiting. If you don’t, then you might end-up single. So take care with this issue, ok?
You are wonderful, friendly, artistic, happy person.. You are born to contribute lots to this world!!!
Your best match is 2. Good matches are 1,4 !!!

Number 8
You are a very strong personality, there’s no one out there will understand you. You are very good at pointing your finger at some thing and say “this is what”.
You are more likely to suffer from the early ages. I mean poverty. If your times are not good you might lose either of your parent and end up looking after your entire family. You often suffer all the way in life.
The problems will not allow you to study further, but you will learn the life in a very practical way. You are the one who will fight for justice and may die in the war too. You are normally very reserved with handful of friends and most of the time live life lonely and always prepared to help others.
Well. once you get married (which is often late) then your bad lucks will go away a bit and you! u become safe. You will face un-expected problems such as :
the error, government, poisonous animals, accidents.
You are some one with great discipline, persistence, courage, strength which will take you to success. You are a great part of a family team. You are a fighter!
Your Best match 1 ,4, 8. Good match 5 !!!

Number 9
Hey…you guys are the incompatibles people in the world. You are so strong, physically and mentally… You are often have big-aims. You will work hard and hard to get there. Normally you suffer in the early age from family problems and generally you will have fighting life.. But when you achieve what you have done, it’s always a big task you have done! You are so much respected in the community, you are a person who can make a challenge and successfully finish the matter off.
You are very naughty in your younger age, often beaten up by your parents and involve in fights and you seemed to have lots of injuries in your life time. But when u grow you become calm and macho type.
Love is not an easy matter for you. You are good in engineering or banking jobs coz people always trust you.
Your family life is very good, but will have worries over your children.
Your such qualities are humanitarian, patient, very wise & compassionate.
You are born to achieve targets and serve every one all equally without any prejudice.
You are totally a role model to anybody in the world for a great inspiration.
Your Best match 3, 5, 6, 9. Good match 2

Monday, April 7, 2014

"Leave." - A poem by Felixia Yeap

Leave.

Looking for a place to run to
somewhere to go
yet I have no clue
or anyone I know

I could cry my eyes out
like how I used to do
cry til I'm knocked out
til all the songs are sung blue

Leave; the easiest choice
Could not bear another tear drop
unheard, inaudible is my voice
from one to another edge, I hop

I've been travelling so long and far
for a final stop like this
as I began to unwrap my scars
I see scars, yet you see memories

Sealing up, packing away
before I could drop my baggage down 
gonna walk on the rest of the days
until my legs are numb to the ground

- Felixia Yeap -


Monday, December 16, 2013

Past. Present. Future.

PAST...

A lot of people are starting to ask me to take down my Facebook cover photo and delete all those photos of me that were more sexually inclined.

As I have posted previously in my Facebook...it would be a NO.

Why?

First of all, those are my achievements of my career as a model who made it international besides local...especially as Playboy Bunny and Playboy Model. 

How could I have the heart to delete everything that I have worked soooo hard for past 8 years, that I have to suffer for, for every achievement that have made me known as who I am today. 

Those pictures serve as a story behind the Felixia Yeap now. 

A lesson to be learnt by all.

Also to remind myself why I chose to be covered up.
Why I did a 180 degrees of change.

Deleting them would most likely mean to deny my past, and that would probably spark another issue by people who think I am trying to lie to myself and hide people from the truth of my past.

Humans...People...Society...

You could never please them no matter what you do.

I could not please everyone. 

All I could do is be myself, be true to myself...be honest, be sincere...learn from the past, and head for a better future.

Whether or not people would be judgemental and sceptical about my actions and decisions.

Besides, even if I have the heart to delete all those pictures from my Facebook...there would still be plenty more in Google and everywhere else in the world. 
What is the next step then?
Ask Google and everyone else who has my photos to delete them as well?

I was (and still am) proud of my achievements in modelling scene...but I was just not happy in the depth of my heart and soul as a person behind the working environment and who it required me to be and what it required me to do.

Thus my decision.

PRESENT...

The Felixia Yeap now...is still in the midst of transition...still learning and just starting to berjinak-jinak with muslimah styles and fashion besides trying to understand, learn more and dig deeper about its religion that is giving me more and more peace.

It is not the easiest procedure...but with your understanding of me as a professional model and me personally as my true and most comfortable self...and still being both at the SAME time for now until all my past contracts are over and done with, insyaAllah...my path will be smoother. 

So...please let me take my time. It took me almost decade to finally decide on wanting and insisting to cover up my aurat and even hair, the moment I put my first picture in Facebook and blog with a Hijab on a few months back, I know I am heading to a better path in life. 
I am regaining my sacrificed dignity (during work) as a respected woman who is not just another pretty face with a hot body.
I found my peace.

I am much happier now and I feel more at peace each time I cover my aurat, and put on my hijab.
I think thats all that matter.

FUTURE...

I could not predict the future...no one's future is ever guaranteed...

But I am definitely going to keep wearing hijab and muslimah clothing, since I feel more and more reluctant with exposing my naked skin or hair in public area.

For my modeling career, of course I would very much prefer Muslimah stream of modeling assignments that would cover up my body, and best of all, would let me wear my hijab and be myself...

I would rather get less income than to make myself feeling exploited and unhappy again.
After all...duit tu bukannya boleh cari sampai habis pun, kan?

Janji hati tenang.

So...I am really grateful for all those Muslimah boutiques that are offering me to be their model. 
Thank you so, so, so much.

And I would like to start my own little business to cover up all those modelling jobs which I have rejected due to my preference of not wanting to be sexy and exposed anymore, and also later on, hopefully soon, start my charity projects too.
Everything is still pretty much in planning stage, and I am trying to save up some capital to kick them off. 

Keep reading and checking my blog and Facebook fan page.
InsyaAllah...I would have some good news coming in. =)

Salam.